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by Lyle Labardee April 05, 2020
Dealing with Grief on Special Occasions
For many people who are grieving the loss of a loved one, it can seem like there is nothing worse than the day to day heartache and struggles that accompany grief. Yet, many people find that certain days – such as birthdays, Holidays, or certain anniversaries – can trigger even more emotions and pain.
Reawakened Grief
Special occasions are normally a time for celebration. When you are grieving a loved one, it might feel quite the opposite. You might have mixed feelings of joy and sadness, or you might be angry. Perhaps you feel like there is no way you can attend the family get-together, and that you need to stay home. Whatever you may be feeling, know that having grief reawakened at certain times – expected or unexpected – is normal. You should also know that there are ways to prepare and handle any day that comes your way.
Unexpected Reminders
Sometimes a reminder of a deceased loved one can appear out of nowhere: a certain smell, song, or joke that you hear can be enough to trigger the longing and seem to take you back in time. While it might seem that these instances are a sign of weakness or a setback in your grief journey, these reminders are inevitable. Rather than judge them or look down on yourself, allow yourself to notice what is happening. Root yourself in the present moment, take some deep breaths, and ask yourself:
By paying attention to the present moment, you allow yourself to be mindful of the sensation. This helps you to slow down and orient yourself. It can also help you to make decisions that are helpful. The more you allow yourself to feel what is going on, the sooner it can pass since you are not ignoring, suppressing, or pushing it away.
Resources Used
by Ani Kazarian April 05, 2020
Workplace Etiquette
Etiquette is not a lost art. Knowing the proper ways to present yourself in a certain situation can help to make sure that you are moving toward success. This is especially true at work. If you have ever had a co-worker who ignores certain common courtesies, you know how distracting it can be.
Those distractions can also have negative effects on your team. Ignoring etiquette in the workplace can decrease productivity and team morale, and increase stress and frustration. Often, this becomes a never-ending cycle of negativity. To prevent this, there are many ways to practice workplace etiquette.
Return to the Basics
Saying “please” and “thank you” will provide a stable foundation in any situation. Whether you are the boss or a brand new intern, these words never go out of style. It is also a smart consideration to practice being on time – even early – for meetings. Once at your meetings, be fully present. This means putting your cell phone on silent and in your pocket, while participating in the topic being discussed.
Since each workplace is different, it is smart to review your employment manual, likely given to you when hired, to make sure that you are following workplace rules. This should cover appropriate clothing, technology use, and conflict management. If you do not know where your copy is, check with your Human Resources department. Making sure that you and your co-workers are on the same page can help prevent conflicts.
Cubicle Tips
Working in a cubicle environment provides its own set of rules as privacy is at a minimum. One of the main ways to approach a co-worker who works in a cubicle is to pretend that they are in their own office (because in a sense, they are). When it comes to your own actions at your desk, however, remember that you are not in an office. After taking those factors into account, follow some of these tips:
Things to Consider in Shared Spaces
There is more to consider than property and noise concerns at work. All of our senses are involved in our workday, and should be thought of when interacting with co-workers.
Conflict Resolution Tips
If you are noticing someone causing problems in your work place, consult your Employment Manual for how to resolve conflicts according to protocol. If appropriate, speak with your co-worker about their behavior. Approach them with respect and focus on the benefits that can arise from some changes, while also helping to seek solutions. If problems are not getting better, or are getting worse, speak to your supervisor or a representative from Human Resources to help resolve the issue.
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by Lyle Labardee April 05, 2020
Crime Victim Support
Victims of crime are often left with many questions: “Why did this happen? What do I do now? Who can I turn to for help?” With all of the questions, emotions, and confusion, it is possible to forget that there are programs in place to offer support. Crimes can include rape, drunk driving, domestic violence, abuse or neglect of children, human trafficking, and more. Often, the crime has effects that are felt far beyond the individuals involved. Support can take the form of financial, physical, emotional, or legal.
Valuable Information
In 1984, the Victims of Crime Act was amended. This act, in combination with the hard work of many advocates, has helped to make sure that victims of crime can receive help, and can continue to work toward positive change in the community. Like every citizen, victims have rights. In many states, the state constitution guarantees certain rights, including:
What to Expect
Since each experience and person is different, recovering from being a victim of crime can be difficult and takes time. It is important that victims are provided support right after the incident, and ongoing support to help with healing and working through any other processes that arise. Beneficial support to offer includes assuring physical safety, helping with emotional responses, and understanding financial and legal implications.
Being a victim of a crime is not a normal experience. It can happen to anyone and there is no “normal” way to respond. Emotional reactions to crime can include: shock or feeling numb, denial or disbelief, anger, depression, anxiety, or stress. In addition to these emotional states, it is possible that there are other mental or physical symptoms, often associated with the trauma of the crime.
Physical symptoms might include:
Mental symptoms might include:
Most people will experience some of these. If these symptoms last longer than a month and cause significant problems in your daily life, it is possible that may you have Posttraumatic Stress Disorder, or PTSD. Some people who are victims of crime will develop PTSD, and others will have other long-term effects of a crisis.
Tips for Coping
If you or a loved one has been a victim of a crime, the following tips can help to provide a direction for coping in a healthy way.
Remind yourself that this is just a part of your life. Much like a roller coaster or the changing of the seasons, this period of your life will not last forever. While you may have memories or symptoms from the event that last, you can and will move forward from this event if you find healthy and helpful ways to cope.
Support
Programs are available to help offer support and to help cover expenses incurred from the after effects of crime. These programs are often either state-funded, or non-profit organizations. Expenses might include hospital bills, therapy, funeral costs, or lost wages. It is also common for programs to provide support services such as crisis intervention, emergency shelter, transportation, advocacy for criminal justice, or counseling. The Office for Victims of Crime is run by the U.S. Office of Justice. On its website are resources for victims, headlines, and other valuable information. It also has a national listing of service providers that is regularly evaluated and updated. This can be found at: http://ovc.ncjrs.gov/findvictimservices.
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by Lyle Labardee April 05, 2020
Helping Suicide Survivors
When a loved one dies by suicide, it is common to feel shocked, confused, angry, sad, or any combination of emotions. Due to the stigma surrounding suicide, survivors might have a difficult time reaching out to find support to help process through the grief.
Immediate Considerations
Losing a loved one to suicide is a shock in itself. While nothing can prepare you for this situation, knowing the following, or sharing them with others, can be helpful.
When planning the funeral, some funeral homes or religious beliefs may not be in the habit of handling deaths by suicide. Make sure to speak with funeral homes and any clergy members involved to make sure that your loved one’s death will be treated with support and dignity.
Coping with Suicide Grief
Grief is a complex process of emotions, memories, and adjustments. There is no right or wrong way to feel, and most suicide survivors report feeling some of the following:
Grief following a death by suicide is complex. Often, survivors feel like they cannot talk about it, because of how suicide is perceived in society. Survivors may often feel angry at the deceased, which can cause confusion since they are also sad about the death. Suicide can also cause survivors to feel traumatized, as the sudden and sometimes violent nature can leave lasting thoughts and memories that are hard to ignore.
These factors, and more, can compound the intense feelings of grief and can prevent any healing from occurring. If you are coping with suicide grief, one of the first things to do is find a support system. Handling grief alone is not a beneficial method, so consider speaking with a trusted family member or friend, a mental health professional, or joining a support group for suicide survivors. There are many resources available and can be found through agencies like the American Foundation for Suicide Prevention, which can be found online at www.afsp.org.
Helping Others Cope with Suicide Grief
If someone you know is a suicide survivor, there are things that you can do to help. While it might seem most comfortable to give them space, this could leave them feeling isolated and ashamed. You may not feel totally competent in helping others with suicide grief, but some of the following activities can be a great help.
Want to talk to a counselor today about this?
Sources
by Lyle Labardee April 05, 2020
Adult Survivors of Sexual Abuse
Being sexually abused as a child can have lasting effects on an individual. Sexual abuse can take many forms: exposure, spying without permission, genital contact, penetration, sexual jokes, exploitation, pornography, and other types of interaction are some examples. Often, the abuse is done by a person who the child already knows or trusts. The effects of the abuse as an adult will depend on a variety of factors, and the good news is that support is available and healing is possible.
Understanding Trauma
Some common symptoms of trauma include:
Experiencing a trauma is often a life-changing event. Some individuals will develop Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, and many will experience symptoms that change their lifestyle. Trauma changes the perception of the world and people in it. Exactly how a trauma will influence an individual is hard to tell, but research has shown that these factors can provide information:
It is important to remember that while some of these patterns have been observed, an individual who has been sexually abused has had their rights violated. Even once instance of inappropriate sexual contact can be traumatic and have an influence on life choices.
Specific Issues
Those who experienced sexual abuse as children may grow up to have a higher chance of developing the following concerns:
Healing
Finding relief from trauma symptoms is possible. One of the biggest hurdles that adult survivors of childhood sexual abuse face is overcoming the stigma and shame of telling someone of the past abuse. Men especially may find it difficult to share that they were sexually abused. For most, it is easier to avoid the thoughts, feelings, and any reminders of the abuse. All of this can prevent any progress of healing, as isolation, fear, and dysfunctional behaviors can take over.
This first obstacle can be defeated when a person finds a safe relationship in which to confide. This might be a friend, counselor, or staff member at a Sexual Abuse Crisis Center. Many times, people are encouraged to share about their past after hearing a similar story that provides hope and encouragement. Having the proper support can make a tremendous difference in the process of healing.
Trauma informed care is one approach to healing, and can be applied in a variety of ways. It includes being educated about trauma and the effects it has on an individual. It also proposes concepts such as safety, trust, choice, community, empowerment, and a cultural perspective. These concepts, in addition to supportive relationships, help the individual to regain an understanding of how sexual abuse as a child influenced any previous patterns of coping, and how they can regain the ability to take their life in a direction of their choice. Trauma informed care is often provided in counseling/therapy or through interactions with support groups at Crisis Centers or other service agencies. Care should always be provided by a trained individual.
Some components of healing include:
How to Seek and Offer Support
If you are looking for support, you can do an online search for local agencies that provide counseling and other services for adult survivors of sexual abuse. Organizations like the YMCA and YWCA could be a good place to start, and often offer childcare services. You can also check with your insurance for mental health benefits, or look up local agencies that provide mental health services at a decreased cost, as long as you qualify.
If you are the loved one of a survivor, you can participate in the healing process in multiple ways. Firstly, you can educate yourself about trauma and begin to have conversations that encourage understanding and developing options for how you can offer the proper support needed. Building trust, choice, and long-term connection can help the individual overcome different social problems. If you are the partner of a survivor, these skills can eventually help to resolve any sexual concerns, too.
Sources
by Lyle Labardee April 04, 2020
Dealing With Chronic Pain
Pain is a natural, normal aspect of life, and all pain is real. Some is easily pinpointed, such as acute pain. This pain occurs as a warning of disease or another threat to the body and it can range from mild to severe, lasting in time from a mere moment to several months. Examples might include a broken arm or an abscessed tooth.
Acute pain is concrete and disappears after treatment, surgery, or the injury has healed. It is important to seek treatment for acute pain; if left untreated, it may lead to a more serious pain condition known as chronic pain.
What is Chronic Pain?
Chronic pain differs from acute pain in the way that pain signals remain active in the nervous system for longer than six months. Chronic pain impacts daily activities and functioning and can result in emotional and psychological effects as well as physical ones. There are no clearly identifiable causes for chronic pain, as it is very subjective, but nonetheless, still very real. For example, you might be feeling very anxious about an upsetting event. Your lower back begins to hurt, and you may seek medication. In this case, anxiety and emotional pain can be capable of triggering physical pain, but that does not invalidate or minimize the very real experience of the physical pain.
More than 100 million Americans are affected by some form of chronic pain from known causes like arthritis or nerve damage; but sometimes the source of pain remains unknown. Beyond the physically stressful side effects (i.e. tense muscles, limited mobility, sleeplessness, and low energy/fatigue), there are emotional and psychological effects that can occur. Anger, decreased self-esteem, fear of injury, reduced sex drive, and concerns of social isolation are common. Anxiety and depression are also potential risks of chronic pain, and this emotional response can cycle back and increase physical pain. In addition to seeking medical care for physical pain and pain management, you also may need assistance with the emotional and psychological struggles you and your family may be experiencing.
Coping with Chronic Pain
There is hope, and chronic pain does not need to destroy your life. Here are some strategies to help you or loved ones with the many complexities of chronic pain:
While the cause of chronic pain might be unknown or poorly understood, this does not invalidate its severity. One of the greatest gifts you can give to those dealing with chronic conditions is to listen to and believe them. Trust they are doing their best to communicate their needs, struggles, and hopes. Operating with compassion, sensitivity, and a kind sense of humor is essential whether you or a loved one face the immense challenge of chronic pain.
Sources:
https://www.apa.org/helpcenter/chronic-pain.aspx
http://theacpa.org/art-of-pain-management
by Lyle Labardee April 04, 2020
Avoiding Burnout
There are many “outs” in life. We can be stressed out, worn out, and experience burnout. As passionate as we may feel about our work, we are all susceptible to burnout if we fail to exercise good self-care and relaxation techniques. Burnout is a constant feeling of physical, mental, and/or emotional exhaustion and pessimism in the workplace. This usually results in a decline in performance and passion. You may experience doubt over your job competence and value in the workforce.
Early Signs of Burnout
There are several early warning signs of burnout. Do you dread coming back from vacation? Are you experiencing interpersonal problems at work and home, growing irritable and impatient? Do tasks you once enjoyed no longer excite you? Can you concentrate easily on assignments? Is your overall attitude pessimistic toward your coworkers and your performance? These questions are all indicators of a burnout. There are also several health problems that may arise from chronic stress in the workplace. Burnout symptoms have been linked to anxiety, depression, digestive problems, weight fluctuations, and changes in sleep patterns.
Triggers of Burnout
What ultimately leads to workplace burnout? It’s different for everyone and could be a variety of items or one major one. Here are some possibilities:
Preventing Burnout
Far from being inevitable, burnout is actually preventable. Consider putting these practices in place to help in avoiding workplace burnout:
If you think you may be experiencing signs of job burnout, ignoring the symptoms is never the best decision. Ask your doctor or schedule an appointment with a mental health professional before you feel worse. Implementing these strategies, as well as healthy self-care, will help restore the passion for what you enjoy most.
Sources:
http://fortune.com/2012/10/08/5-ways-to-avoid-burnout-at-work/
http://idealistcareers.org/5-things-you-can-do-each-day-to-prevent-burnout/
http://www.mayoclinic.org/healthy-living/adult-health/in-depth/burnout/art-20046642?pg=1
by Lyle Labardee April 04, 2020
How to Choose a Counselor
What is Counseling?
Counseling – also referred to as therapy or psychotherapy – is the process of working with a professional to help you achieve certain life goals. Oftentimes, people seek out counseling because they have run into a rough spot in life. For example, you might be struggling to adjust to a life transition, feeling more depressed, or engaging in harmful behaviors such as gambling or using illegal drugs. Upon meeting with your counselor, you will work to identify the problem areas of your life, and begin to work toward achieving the changes necessary to get the lifestyle that you desire.
While there are many people who can help in these situations, it is important to know what type of professional you will be working with. The following four professions are all regulated by the state in which you live, and must have a valid license in their respective field to practice.
There are other professions that offer similar results. For example, life coaches or speaking with a pastor can be very beneficial. However, these positions are not always as regulated or as informed about the mental health needs of people entering into services.
Questions to Ask
Once you have decided that you want to speak with someone, it can be valuable to do a little bit of research before contacting them. Looking online and or asking people who you trust can offer some ideas about where to start. Picking the right Counselor for you will help to make your experience more enjoyable, and more productive. Here are some questions to ask when you are trying to pick a counselor:
Contacting potential counselors is the best way to select the best counselor for you. Aim to select someone who you feel comfortable with, but will challenge you in the areas you know you want to change. If you are unsure, keep searching. Or, pick someone to get you started – you can always transfer to another counselor at a later time.
Sources
https://www.samhsa.gov/treatmby Lyle Labardee April 04, 2020
Pets and the Benefits They Offer
History has provided a long account of humans enjoying the company of animals. At times, animals have served as valuable resources to accomplish tasks like farming or transportation. Nowadays, the roles of animals have changed and many are commonly housed and cared for as pets.
Some people prefer cats and others prefer dogs. There are some people who also choose reptiles, amphibians, fish, rodents, or spiders. Still others prefer horses, pigs, or birds. Perhaps a pet is chosen based on a person’s lifestyle or personality, but there are some themes that ring true for why a person chooses to have a pet…and many benefits that arise from doing so.
Health Benefits
There have been numerous studies done to show what effect pets have on humans. While there is limited knowledge in explaining exactly how this happens, statistics are showing the following benefits:
Other health benefits of consistent exposure to pets that have some strong science behind them include
It is important to consider that there is a difference in the type of pet and the above outcomes. For example, dog owners specifically have a higher likelihood to be more physically active.
Developmental Benefits for Youth
Research has shown that animals are also beneficial for youth. Early exposure to animals might contribute to decreased chances of developing animal allergies, and increased emotional awareness. Many kids also have stated that their pets are their best friends, or are a great source of comfort to them when they are upset. Participating in the care of having a pet can also help to teach responsibility and care for other living things, which can boost a child’s social and emotional intelligence, as well as their work ethic.
Emotional Benefits
Being around animals has many emotional advantages. Pet owners report less stress and a higher quality of life than non-pet owners. Many people report that the unconditional love that pets offer is very healing and comforting. Having the right pet can also help to give you a sense of purpose, which will fuel your sense of self and motivation. For those with mental health concerns, such as Anxiety, Depression, or Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, having an animal around can provide a dramatic enhancement in wellness efforts. Trained service animals are utilized to help people with a variety of conditions such as blindness, diabetes, Alzheimer’s, and PTSD. These animals are valuable companions for their owners.
There are many Animal Assisted Therapies that are making a difference in people’s lives, as well. Hospitals across the country have started to allow dogs and cats to visit patients, asserting that it increases morale and recovery. Mental health care is also being revolutionized as some counselors are incorporating time and activities working with animals into sessions for their clients. Dogs and horses are common choices for this type of therapy and help to add an active and experiential component that aids in treatment.
Stress and Animals
Taking care of an animal is a commitment. Once you own a pet, you are responsible for providing appropriate shelter, food, medical care, training, and exercise. However, for all of the burdens that owning a pet can add, one of the main reports of pet-owners is that having a pet decreases the total amount of stress in their lives.
Finding the Right Pet for You
How do you know what pet will be right for you? Here are some questions that can help you to narrow down the list to the ideal pet for your lifestyle.
Speaking with your family and friends can be very helpful as they might have suggestions or tips for you. Doing research online and by reading books is also essential. Many times, you can find local places where you can adopt a pet and meet it before you bring it home. Try contacting your local Humane Society, animal shelter, or other rescue organizations. You can also start your search online at websites like petfinder.com – a directory of adoptable pets from shelters and rescue organizations nationwide. It is recommended to do some research to make sure you are adopting from a humane source, so consult with the American Kennel Club to find reputable breeders, and make sure to check out breed rescue organizations. If you are not in the position to own a pet right now, you might want to consider volunteering or working at a local shelter, barn, or other location where you can work with animals. That way you can still get some of the benefits until you are able to have a pet of your very own.
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by Lyle Labardee April 04, 2020
Managing the Stress of Parenting
Being a parent provides many fulfilling and beautiful moments. Often, parenthood can encompass the majority of your schedule and is at the forefront of your mind. Occasionally, you might have more trouble coping with the responsibilities of parenting. Learning about stress can be a valuable life lesson.
Stress
Most of the time stress is easy to identify. However, sometimes you might prefer to blame how you are feeling on something else. If you are noticing any of the following symptoms, you might have a high stress level:
Many of these symptoms can be attributed to other causes, but if you notice that you also have had a significant lifestyle change – increasing drug or alcohol use, increasing or decreasing how much you eat, are fighting more often, or are not participating in activities that you enjoy – you could be experiencing stress.
Stress is a normal reaction to environmental changes and helps to prepare the body to prioritize and act as necessary to respond to the changes. At times, stress can become constant. The changes that stress causes in the body are helpful in short bursts, but can be hurtful if prolonged, leading to high blood pressure, weight gain, heart disease, diabetes and mental health issues.
Another important side effect of your stress is the impact it has on your children. While many parents think that they can hide their stress, children are able to notice and when parents are stressed and be bothered by it. Stress can make you less understanding and more critical of your child. It can also decrease the quality of your relationship with your children. Furthermore, how you handle your stress is one of the first examples that your children have for how to handle their own stress.
Tips to Handle Stress
Even if you are not feeling the effects of stress, incorporating these tips into your family’s activities can help to prevent stress and teach healthy coping.
Single Parents
If you are raising children on your own, you face some unique stressors. The following tips can help to keep stress at a minimum.
Sources
by Lyle Labardee April 04, 2020
Healing after Infidelity
For many individuals, the opportunity to enter into a relationship outside of marriage or a committed relationship has presented itself. It might be with a co-worker, new acquaintance, high-school fling, or an online contact. When a couple has committed to an exclusive and permanent relationship, engaging in unsuitable interactions can break trust and tarnish the marriage or long-term relationship. For those who believe in the permanence of marriage or commitment, finding a way to heal after these events is vital.
Defining Infidelity
The basic translation of infidelity is “unfaithful.” Being unfaithful might include a variety of actions, including emotional, physical, and mental choices. While physical infidelity can be the most obvious, including hand-holding, caressing, kissing, and sexual acts, it is not the only way to cheat. Engaging in an emotional affair can also cause damage to a marriage.
Upon being discovered, the person who is in an emotional affair may claim that it is just a “friendship.” However, it is different than making a new friend; an emotional affair includes deep conversations about matters that should be and previously were reserved for the spouse. Often, the person experiences a need to hide this relationship, but works to make sure that specific time and effort are put into it.
Healing after an affair is possible, and the following tips can help it along.
For the Spouse who Cheated
For the Spouse who was Betrayed
Resources Used
by Lyle Labardee April 04, 2020
How to Choose a Career Counselor
Want to find a job? Interested in a career switch? Thinking about going back to school? You can learn all of the necessary information online to answer your questions on how to do this. However, there may be a few pieces of practical information and guidance that you cannot get from the World Wide Web, and should receive from a professional.
Why Use a Career Counselor?
Career counselors are specially trained to help you choose a career. They are informed about various assessment tools, theories, and trends that can help you to find a career that will be a good fit for you. They can do this in a variety of ways:
What to Look For
If you are in school, you may have access to a counselor for free. If this is the case, take advantage of the opportunity. If you are not in school, chances are you will have to seek out and pay for a career counselor. Here are some things to look for, to make sure you get your money’s worth.
How to Find One
There are a few resources that can be beneficial when looking for a career counselor. Word of mouth and referrals are time tested. Keep in mind, however, that your experience might be unique, as you likely will have your own needs that might differ from theirs. If you want to find a counselor online, you can use the National Career Development Association list of approved counselors and professionals. This resource allows you to search by state. Another great place to check is libraries, colleges, and state employment services. These locations will sometimes host speakers or will know connections to help you find what you want.
Career Theory
As is the case with anything in life, approaching a new experience with a little bit of education can be a benefit. There are a few career theories that can help you to explore what matters most to you in finding a career. Ideally, finding a career counselor who is familiar with placing people in careers based on these factors can be very helpful.
John Holland’s Vocational Choice theory is based on personality. It splits people up into 6 personality types: Realistic, Investigative, Artistic, Social, Enterprising, or Conventional. Based on this personality type, it gives corresponding work environments and careers.
Frank Parsons developed a Trait and Factor theory that matches talent and occupational choice. This theory is highly based on psychometric tests that help to explain the ideal job for each individual. Concepts such as aptitude, disposition, intelligence, and interests are measured to help determine this.
Other theories utilize more of a social or developmental approach, with people focusing on chance, self-efficacy, self-esteem, or fulfilling one’s self-concept.
There is no right or wrong theory, though some can be more applicable than others. You can decide how to incorporate and prioritize your values and goals into selecting a career. Keep in mind that work environment can be very important, because even if you are doing a job you love, if you are doing it in an environment that does not suit you (say surrounded by tons of people or isolated away from everyone with no windows), you may not find as much enjoyment as you would wish.
Sources
by Lyle Labardee April 04, 2020
Shift Work: Finding Your Work/Life Balance
As technology and society have advanced, so has its need for people to be working around the clock. Men and women who work outside of the 9-5 realm – usually in the evening or through the night – engage in shift work. Nurses, doctors, pilots, commercial drivers, factory workers, and service staff are a few examples of people who are needed 24 hours a day. Working evening hours requires these people to adapt their social schedule and biological clock to complete their jobs, which can often be a struggle. Fortunately, there are habits that can be built to help facilitate both health and happiness.
Effects of Shift work
Every person has a circadian rhythm which determines the body’s function in a day. This rhythm is based on a few factors, including daylight, and helps to direct the sleep/wake cycle which in turn influences digestion, energy output, and other bodily processes. In short, bodies naturally want to work during the day and sleep at night. For those who work evening shifts, it can be difficult to fight this inclination. Shift workers often report problems with sleep. Research has also explored if shift work can aggravate certain digestive and heart conditions. In addition, working second or third shift can make it difficult to maintain relationships. A person might be scheduled to work during important events, or need to catch up on sleep in order to get to the next shift. Missing out on social events can lead to feelings of isolation or increased conflict in relationships.
Sleep
Sleep is required for physical and mental health, and it also helps to promote safety on the job. Being tired on the job leads to poor concentration which can increase the chance of errors, accidents, injuries, and even fatalities. The combination of not getting enough sleep and working during a time when the body naturally wants to rest contributes to feeling sleepy on the job. Getting enough restful sleep is one of the most common issues of a shift worker. Whether they work consistent shifts or switch between day and evening shifts (sometimes called a rotation schedule), getting on a sleep schedule can be a challenge. Since sleep is so important, there are some tips to keep in mind to help you get the sleep you need.
Social
Getting work done at your job is only part of your daily obligation. Once you are home, the number of daily tasks and chores to complete does not decrease when you are tired or unavailable. It is not uncommon to feel like all you do is work and sleep. All this, plus having an opposing schedule, adds up to shift workers finding it difficult to maintain social ties. This can add stress to an already demanding predicament. Organization and communication are the keys to helping to facilitate and foster connection.
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by Lyle Labardee April 04, 2020
Getting Along With Your Parents
Navigating a healthy adult relationship with your parents can sometimes be difficult. On one hand, they might still attempt to treat you like a child. On the other, you may begin assuming a more parental role as they age. Sometimes we want them to still nurture and care for us, and in other instances, we want to be treated as independent adults.
Potential Problems
You and your parents are not the same people. They are unique and so are you. They might have different values, beliefs, interests, and priorities than you, and that’s natural. Healthy adult relationships can appreciate both the similarities and differences. However, this knowledge does not mean there won’t be challenges. Here are some examples of how we might encounter problems with our parents:
Mutually Beneficial Relationship
Having a healthy adult relationship with your parents is possible and a worthwhile investment. The following are guidelines on how to begin accepting your parents and building a mutually beneficial relationship:
Accepting Parents
Being Assertive
Building Relationships
Managing Conflict
All relationships experience conflict, and the parent/adult child interaction is no different. Even though it might seem easier to cut all ties, this isn’t wise. Though it might feel better in the short-term, shutting out your parents will not resolve emotional problems.
You should handle conflict with your parents like you would with any other adult that you respect. Good communication, as you would have with a friend or coworker, is vital. Problems are not necessarily character flaws, and they can be opportunities for growth and change.
The transition from the parent/child to the parent/adult child relationship doesn’t need to be stressful. The turbulent adolescent years are over, and it’s possible for your relationship with your parents to blossom even more. Though you are grown never assume your parents aren’t interested in the details of your life. Share your dreams and goals just as you would with another friend. Investing in a healthy adult relationship with your parents is beneficial and worthwhile; so take advantage of the opportunities while they are available.
Sources:
http://www.aarp.org/home-family/friends-family/info-04-2013/parenting-adult-children-family-relationships.html
by Lyle Labardee April 04, 2020
Conflict Resolution for Couples
All relationships experience conflict. Even a good relationship has its share of ups and downs. What makes a healthy relationship is not a lack of conflict. How both partners manage and resolve conflict determines an open, honest, and successful relationship.
Causes of Conflict
There is no shortage of potential conflicts for relationships today given the external and internal stressors we all face. Fears, differences, and expectations also play a large role in relational troubles. Some partners fear rejection or a loss of independence. Conflict might arise as a result of the couple’s different personalities, values, or beliefs. Perhaps, one partner is expecting too much of the other. When a couple is unable to agree on what the problem is, it is unlikely they will agree on how to solve it. These are all common reasons for relational conflicts.
Tolls on a Relationship
Resolving issues in a relationship requires work, but the toll of unresolved conflict is even greater. These byproducts cause stress that flows into other areas of our lives, affecting us physically, emotionally, and financially. Couples may experience a decrease in intimacy, as well as feelings of resentment, relational insecurity, and financial instability. Communication might become difficult, as conversation about anything other than the conflict decreases. Individuals may also experience lower self-esteem as a result of unresolved conflict.
Dealing with Conflict
There are healthy and unhealthy ways of dealing with conflict. When one partner makes all the decisions, the other might feel undervalued and resent this misuse of power. On the flip side, if both partners avoid conflict, the problem will linger and escalate. Partners will continue to play their roles to the best of their abilities, but the problem will never be resolved if it’s not addressed. These are both examples of unhealthy ways to deal with conflict.
The best strategy for approaching conflict is for both partners to share their thinking, knowing the relationship itself gets the final vote. Many times if a couple can focus on what’s best for the relationship as a whole, they are able to put aside their individual preferences and find compromise.
Conflict Resolution Process
Here are some practical guidelines to help you work through potentially difficult relationship conversations:
Learning to work through conflict in a relationship might not happen overnight. Be patient, as constructing a solution takes time and practice. However, the more you’re able to hear each other and control your emotional reactivity, the greater the energy you’ll have to work on the relationship and create a viable solution.
Sources:
http://oscr.umich.edu/article/tips-and-tools-constructive-conflict-resolution
http://www.ces.ncsu.edu/depts/fcs/pdfs/fcs-466-4.pdf
by Lyle Labardee April 04, 2020
All about Feelings
Feelings and emotions are two words often used interchangeably. They generally mean the same thing, however, feelings and emotions can differ. For instance, feeling love for your child can cause the emotion of fear if he or she is in danger. A mood is also separate from a feeling or emotion. Whereas emotions are short-lived, a mood lasts longer. The cause of a mood is not always easy to detect, as you might feel down for a few days and not know why.
Basic Emotions
Psychology researchers cite six basic emotions that are universal to all humans. They include happiness, sadness, fear, disgust, surprise, and anger. Other psychologists have added embarrassment, pride, excitement, and satisfaction to this list. It’s also possible to experience more than one emotion at a time, such as feeling happy and excited simultaneously.
Experiencing Feelings
There are three main ways we encounter an emotion. First, we experience the feeling. Second, our body reacts to it. Last, we express the feeling through our behavior. Therefore, if you were angry, you’d interpret the emotion as anger. Perhaps, your body would tense up or your heart would begin to pace, and then you might lose your temper and begin to shout. These would all be examples of how you might react to the emotion called anger.
Emotions cause both physical and physiological reactions, which are regulated by the nervous system. These reactions affect body responses that we can’t control, like digestion and blood flow. The nervous system also monitors our “fight-or-flight” response to stress, dangers, and threats. More noticeable examples of the physical effects of feelings might be sweaty palms, stomach pains, increased heartbeat, muscle tension, etc.
There are some universal expressions of feelings, like smiling. Others will differ according to culture, tradition and custom. When we understand our emotions and seek to increase our emotional intelligence, we can have some control over our behavioral reactions. Exploring our thinking and paying attention to what our bodies are doing when we feel emotions helps us gain insight into our behaviors. Mindfulness and relaxation techniques as well as a trained therapist or counselor can help you gain control over your reactivity.
The Importance of Feelings
Exploring your feelings can benefit both your body and behavior. For example, if you find that you often feel afraid, you may also discover that you regularly experience associated anxiety and physical symptoms of stress. Perhaps your heart is continually racing and your sleep is affected; these responses can have a long-term impact on your health. If you start to examine the root of your fear, you might find that your thoughts aren’t factual. Recognizing this faulty or irrational thought pattern is the first step in modifying it and ultimately feeling less anxious and afraid.
When our feelings are based on facts we can try to change our situation or goals to fit that reality. Perhaps, you’ve found a hobby that makes you feel happy and excited. You can seek to incorporate those skills into a career you might really enjoy.
Whether your feelings are fact-based or irrational, paying attention to them can provide clues about how to live healthy and how to achieve the life you desire. When you put a name to your feelings and begin to understand how they work, you create more space between something happening and your reaction to it. This space gives you an opportunity to choose your behavior and how you interact in your relationships. Momentarily stepping back from a situation also provides the choice to treat yourself in a healthy, self-respecting manner.
Tips for Managing Emotional Reactions
Controlling your reactions to emotion takes time and practice. The following ideas will help you learn how to regulate your reactivity:
Feelings affect everyone on a daily basis. Learning how to manage and understand your emotions will benefit your health, work, and relationships. Don’t be afraid to ask for help if you need it, as medical or mental health professionals have valuable knowledge about ways of coping with intense feelings. With the right motivation and practice, you can learn to change your reactions to emotions rather than letting them control you.
Sources:
http://www.scientificamerican.com/article/feeling-our-emotions/
by Lyle Labardee April 04, 2020
About Behavioral Health Care
Behavioral health care focuses on an individual’s psychological wellness. It is occasionally referred to as mental health care. However, the term behavioral health is more common now because it encompasses the biology of mental health, as well as a person’s behaviors and habits.
Measuring Mental Health
How do you assess or understand your mental health? Looking at your emotional wellbeing and your overall life enjoyment on a day-to-day basis is an excellent guide. Consider the following:
Behavioral Health Issues and Signs
There are many contributors to mental health problems. Biological factors such as your genetics, life experiences, and a family history of mental health issues can lead to behavioral health problems. Some of the mental health issues people face might be depression, anxiety, trauma, relational issues, and addiction.
Signs of a potential behavioral health issue range in their severity. Changes in eating and sleeping patterns, withdrawing from activities and relationships, low energy, feeling hopeless, and numbness to life are all clues to a mental health problem. Also, mood swings, hearing voices or hallucinating, increased substance abuse, and thoughts of harming yourself or others are warnings signs. When a person is unable to complete daily life tasks, such as showering, getting out of bed, getting dressed, etc., they also might be struggling with a mental illness.
Professionals and Treatment Options
When it comes to behavioral health issues, you’re not alone. There are numerous professionals who can help you overcome and adjust to life’s challenges. These might be your primary care physician or nurse practitioner, or a counselor, therapist, psychologist, or psychiatrist.
These professionals are skilled in a variety of behavioral health interventions that cover a broad spectrum. These range from psychotherapy and group therapy to support groups to expressive therapy in art, music, or drama. Recreational therapy, meditation, and mindfulness practices are also options, as is medication.
Good Mental Health Signs
When your mental health is functioning well there are several indicators. Setting and meeting goals, coping with stress, and problem solving are signs of healthy functioning, as is finding meaning in relationships and the community.
Whatever your current mental health you can benefit from practicing good behavioral health strategies. Some of the ways to maintain and/or improve your mental health might include connecting with others, being physically active, eating healthy, and getting proper rest. Developing strategies for dealing with life’s stressors, staying positive, and asking for help when needed are also healthy traits.
The Importance of Behavioral Health
Why is behavioral health such a critical issue? Half of the world’s population is believed to experience mental health symptoms that impact their day-to-day functioning. Our mental state impacts our physical health, so being able to reduce our body’s stress responses can help us live longer and healthier lives. Another benefit of working on your mental health is the control you gain over your life. People who are mentally healthy are more goal-directed, and they function better in relationships.
Not addressing our behavioral health issues impacts all areas of life. Depression and other mental illnesses can lead to disability, physical impairments, and even suicide. Financial, social, and vocational issues may arise from failing to work on mental health problems.
Getting Started
Improving your mental health does not need to be overwhelming as there are many people available to guide you. The following tips suggest how to get started and where to go for help:
A lifestyle complete with good mental health is possible for you and your loved ones. For more information about behavioral health care, check out the following websites:
http://Findtreatment.samsa.gov
Sources:
http://www.healthypeople.gov/2020/topicsobjectives2020/overview.aspx?topicid=28
http://www.mentalhealth.gov/basics/what-is-mental-health/
by Lyle Labardee April 04, 2020
Conflict Resolution
Everyone faces conflict in varying degrees at some point in life. Because conflict happens in any relationship, including those at work and at home, no one is immune to its complexities. How we choose to deal with conflict is unique, as everyone brings his or her own personality and experiences to these difficulties.
Conflict Defined
A conflict is a difference of opinions, priorities, or perspectives, whether friendly or hostile. Because people react differently to conflict, the situation may be difficult to assess. Sometimes people disguise conflict in sarcasm or cynicism, or they pretend the problem doesn’t exist. How you perceive it largely determines the role it will play in your life. Those who view conflict as a threat usually experience anxiety and stress, and those who see it as an opportunity for growth can overcome it and even benefit from conflict.
Conflict in the Workplace
One environment where conflict is common is in the workplace. We spend the bulk of our time there and often can’t choose our co-workers. Since conflict is inevitable, there are real benefits to improving your resolution skills. Some of the paybacks include improved relationships, a smoother working environment, fewer delays in production, increased communication, and improved health as tension symptoms decrease. The following strategies will help you in your workplace conflict resolution:
Take Action through Listening
In the middle of a conflict, you might find yourself tuning the other person out to better prepare your argument. If you find yourself waiting your turn to speak instead of legitimately listening, you will probably remain stuck right in the middle of the problem. The following tips demonstrate how to resolve conflict with listening skills:
Conflict in life is guaranteed and often it will be unexpected. When you are able to calmly respond to an individual your viewpoint is more likely to be understood. No one wants to feel like the other person is simply trying to win an argument. Using statements beginning with “I” instead of “you” is another helpful way to diffuse tension. For example, “I felt frustrated when you didn’t follow through with your commitment,” is very different than, “You never do what you promise.”
Some conflicts simply cannot be resolved without a mediator of some sort, so don’t feel discouraged if you have to bring in a third party. If you are facing a tough situation, reach out to a neutral person, like a licensed counselor or therapist or your human resources officer.
The long-term effects of unresolved conflict are often far more damaging than the short-term discomfort of resolving them. With the right mindset and a little practice, you will start seeing conflict as a growth opportunity, one that will help you achieve your goals and create healthy relationships.
Sources
http://oscr.umich.edu/article/tips-and-tools-constructive-conflict-resolution
http://www.forbes.com/sites/mikemyatt/2012/02/22/5-keys-to-dealing-with-workplace-conflict/
by Lyle Labardee April 04, 2020
Dealing with Difficult Personality Traits
Individuals all around us have their own unique personality. Undoubtedly, we all encounter individuals from time to time with personalities that are challenging, negative, and even aggressive. Being able to recognize and successfully interact with these individuals enables us to turn a potentially difficult situation into a positive one. When we better understand individuals with difficult personalities, it keeps us from taking things personally. Additionally, we can help create a safe and productive environment for others.
Some of the more dominant difficult personality traits include:
Consequences of Dealing with Difficult People
While avoiding a discussion with a difficult person is worse, there are still possible unpleasant effects to a confrontation.
Coping with Difficult People
Knowing how to handle and react to difficult personality traits is beneficial in all environments. Here are some common strategies to deal with all difficult personality styles.
Dealing with difficult personality traits in the people we love or work with requires effort. It can be frustrating and discouraging at times, but if you are able to persist and communicate with compassion, you might find a solution to the challenge.
Sources:
by Lyle Labardee April 04, 2020
Successful Stepfamilies
With many marriages ending in divorce, stepfamilies are becoming even more commonplace. Though your may find your family growing in number, cultivating a successful stepfamily takes time, compromise, and motivation.
Stepfamilies Defined
Traditionally, a stepfamily has been defined as a family where a parent has at least one child not biologically (or legally, in terms of adoption) related to the other parent. This child may live with one biological parent and visits the other biological parent, or he or she may equally split time between both original parents. Other times a child has a lost a parent and the living parent will remarry.
There are many variations of stepfamilies. Whereas the term stepfamily once referred only to married couples, cohabitating relationships where one or both parents had existing children are now recognized as stepfamilies. Grown children, in the case of parental death, will often refer to their parent’s new spouse as a stepparent, even though they never lived under the same roof.
Blended families are also a form of stepfamily. This is where both partners come into the marriage or relationship with existing children. Blended families have many of the same challenges as other stepfamilies as well as unique ones.
Transition Process
As a stepfamily or blended family is beginning the process of transition, there are often some growing pains along the way. Adapting to new routines requires compromise for everyone. Emotions usually run high; guilt over a divorce, anger about sacrifices made, worry about the stepfamily transition, and jealousy between stepsiblings are fairly common responses.
Stepparents may struggle in the transition process to figure out their new roles. Questions over discipline, rule-setting, and household responsibilities are priorities to address. These may cause insecurity and uncertainty in the new stepparent. Parents also worry about perceived favoritism between biological and stepchildren.
Similarly, kids face transitional unrest. Children may feel caught between both biological parents, not wanting to upset either one. In addition, your child will need to learn how to “share” you with your new spouse. Sharing may also extend to their home and belongings if your new spouse or partner moved into your home.
Struggling Stepfamily Signs
With all these changes, stress is at an elevated rate. Here are some key warning signs of a stepfamily struggling with change:
Strategies for Successful Stepfamilies
Tension and family distress do not have to be the norm for beginning stepfamilies. The following suggestions are designed to improve unity within the family:
For Everyone:
For Parents:
For Stepparents:
For Stepfamilies with a New Baby:
While the challenges are very real for today’s stepfamilies, so are the rewards. If your stepfamily is still experiencing growing pains in the adjustment process, ask for help. Family therapy is an excellent tool for working through everyone’s emotions in the transition. For additional help, check out the National Stepfamily Resource Center at www.stepfamilies.info.
Sources
http://www.mayoclinic.org/healthy-living/childrens-health/in-depth/stepfamilies/art-20047046
by Lyle Labardee April 04, 2020
Parenting a Teenager
The teen years are some of the most thrilling and complex for both the adolescent and the parent. Exciting experiences and transitions coupled with emotions and hormones can make those six to eight years tricky to navigate. Adolescence marks uncharted waters for the teen and possibly a distant memory to the parent. But for all the good, the bad, and the ugly, the teen years are a rite of passage to adulthood. To better understand how to parent a teen, it’s essential to consider all that’s happening within one.
The development of teens
During the adolescent years, your teen will grow physically, emotionally, intellectually, and morally. Teens begin to form and fashion the person they will become in adulthood. During this process, a power struggle often ensues. Teenagers will anticipate and earn greater independence from parents and other adults. As a result, you will see your child begin to separate a bit. Often, teens will look to their peers as guides and value their opinions over those of adults, specifically their parents. In an attempt to discover their identity and who they’re becoming, many teens may experiment with how they look and act around others. Fitting in is often the goal during these years, and parents may experience a lot of stress and worry when they watch their child seemingly become someone else overnight.
Signs of a struggling teen
Disagreements are common between teen children and parents. As your teen pursues independence, he or she is trying to form a code of right and wrong. This code may or may not be similar to your own values. While this may seem like an act of rebellion, your child is most likely behaving like the average adolescent. There are, however, warning signs that can indicate your teen might be struggling:
Strategies for parenting a teenager
While we’ve heard the old adage, “It takes a village to raise a child,” it can be hard to allow others to fill a spot we’ve always maintained. Try to think of the teen years as a training ground for your child’s growth and responsibility. Encourage your child to find a trusted mentor, responsible adult, or relative they can turn to for advice. Your child may not want to discuss everything with you, and it’s not something to be taken personally. If anything, it demonstrates your child is progressing at a natural pace of independence. Remember, while your child is moving towards adulthood, they will always still be your child, even if they sprout to 6’2”. Keeping a healthy perspective on the potentially turbulent teen years lays the foundation for a lifetime of friendship with your son or daughter.
Sources:
http://kidshealth.org/parent/growth/growing/adolescence.html
by Lyle Labardee April 04, 2020
Maintaining Healthy Couple Relationships
Relationships affect our lives on a daily basis, and they all require effort to stay healthy. While starting a romantic relationship can be hard, building one for the long-term can be an even bigger challenge. Events inside and outside of the relationship make it necessary for both individuals to adapt and grow, while also respecting, caring for, and compromising with the other person.
Unhealthy Couple Relationships
One way to identify what is healthy is by examining what is not. The following symptoms indicate a relationship that is not working and unhealthy:
Healthy Couple Strategies
By clearly identifying what is unhealthy we are able to see what works better. Consider these strategies to maintain a healthy, romantic relationship that stands the test of time:
Even in this day and age, building a relationship that lasts is possible. Small acts of kindness such as physical or verbal gestures really do make a difference. With some thought and patience, you will find that simple strategies build a strong foundation for your relationship.
Source:
http://cmhc.utexas.edu/healthyrelationships.html
http://www.uwhealth.org/news/tips-for-maintaining-healthy-relationships/40280
by Lyle Labardee April 04, 2020
Balancing Work and Family
Managing our daily 24 hours is easier some days more than others. Attempting to care for our bodies, getting proper rest, and maintaining a household is a full-time job in itself. Add in work and family responsibilities, and the task becomes even more challenging. Even though it is our choice how we use our time, we often become quite stressed attempting to manage it all.
A common contributor to imbalance between work and family is control. People often feel like they are losing control when one half of the work and home equation crowds out the other. When this occurs the overwhelming sense of our to-do list seems more important than the things that give us the greatest enjoyment. Priorities become mismatched and frustration, anxiety, and even depression gain momentum.
Out of Balance?
Our lives naturally fall out of balance from time to time. When this occurs we struggle to regulate our responsibilities and what we enjoy most. Taking the time to assess how things are going can give us insight to realign our priorities. This allows us to balance our time and make changes to reflect our values. There are several questions you can ask yourself to see if work and family life have fallen out of balance:
Out of Balance Consequences
Failing to find the balance between work and family produces undesired consequences, such as a loss of energy. While you are at work your productivity level will suffer in the long run from overwork and the stress that comes with it. At home you may feel too tired to enjoy your spouse and/or children.
Another common byproduct of working harder is increased responsibility. It is easy to take on more than you can handle appropriately. Working long hours may also cause you to miss out on important family moments and milestones.
Strategies for Achieving Greater Balance
If you are feeling overwhelmed by your schedule or guilty about the imbalance in your life, be encouraged. This is a common problem; there are only 24 hours in a day and invariably some tasks and activities take longer than anticipated. Second, you are not destined to stay stuck in this cycle. The following strategies will help you move past an overcrowded schedule to a place of balance between attending to your responsibilities and that which you love to do.
For Work:
For Family:
For Work and Family:
If you are still feeling a lack of control between work and family consider asking a professional for help or even advice. Often, workplaces have Employee Assistance Programs (EAP) to guide you in these situations. Remember, life will happen. When it does, things will typically fall out of balance for a time. Stay positive. Use the knowledge you’ve gained, take a step back, and assess. Proper planning is always a good start to swing an imbalanced life back into perspective.
Sources
http://www.ucdmc.ucdavis.edu/hr/hrdepts/asap/Documents/Balancing_Work_and_Family.pdf
http://www.mayoclinic.org/healthy-living/adult-health/in-depth/work-life-balance/art-20048134
by Lyle Labardee April 04, 2020
Aging Parents and Adult Children
Having an adult relationship with your parents can be both rewarding and challenging. Some parents are overly critical, complain when you try to help, or never say “thank you.” The challenges can become especially difficult as they continue to age. Transitioning to a caregiving role is a major shift as the parent/child roles begin to reverse. You must determine how to care for yourself and focus on your parent as well, and the stress of this task can strain your relationship and affect your physical and emotional wellbeing.
The Aging Process
In many ways, aging is a grieving process. Older adults slowly lose their independence, as their mind and body fail to function properly. Your aging loved one may need to transition from their home to yours or another medical facility. Try to be empathic with them and consider how you would feel if you lost control of your body. How would you react if decisions were made about your life and future without your consent? When you put yourself in your aging loved one’s shoes you might better understand why they are experiencing grief-like symptoms.
Transition Tips for Aging Parents and Adult Children
The following guidelines provide information to help you practice good self-care and caregiving skills.
Self-care Tips
Caregiving Tips
The process of giving up control over your life isn’t easy for anyone. However, when we’re able to walk our parents through decision-making with small changes, they are more likely to trust us with the big ones. Ultimately, doing the right thing for your parent’s wellbeing is what matters most, to both of you.
Sources:
http://www.state.gov/m/dghr/flo/c23141.htm
by Lyle Labardee April 04, 2020
Dealing with Debt and Credit Problems
Financial goals are no different than any other life objective you might have. The best chances of success are when your goals are clear and specific. Financial decisions with measurable and attainable steps are more achievable than vague, general resolutions. For example, you’re more likely to succeed when you announce, “I’m planning to pay off my credit card debt by the end of year,” than simply saying, “I’m going to do better with my finances.”
Raising Your Credit Score
Like any major change in life, raising your credit score will take time. The following tips will help you get on the right track to increasing your credit score:
Tackling Debt
There’s no shortage of information available about paying off debt. These strategies offer ways to minimize your liabilities:
When dealing with debt and credit problems, it’s important to start small. Chances are, your debt accumulated over time. Likewise, changing your financial future won’t be a quick fix. As you begin to see success in a few areas, it will build your momentum. A little forward progress might be just the push needed to change your habits and reach your financial goals.
Sources:
http://www.myfico.com/crediteducation/improveyourscore.aspx https://www.mint.com/blog/goals/the-debt-destroyer-menthod-tackling-your-debts-one-by-one-0113/
by Lyle Labardee April 04, 2020
Help with Financial Stress
We know our minds and bodies are connected, but did you realize our bank accounts are linked to them as well? Financial stress can have a significant impact on your physical health, your thoughts, and your relationships with other people.
Physical and Emotional Impacts
Financial stress affects our bodies the same as any other stress. When we experience stress, our bodies go into a “fight or flight” mode. This increases our heart rate and expends additional energy. Financial stress on our bodies increases our risk for heart attack, diabetes, and stomach problems. Strains on our bank accounts can even lead to symptoms of anxiety and depression.
Barriers to Financial Wisdom
The largest obstacle between financial wisdom and lowering our stress is our attitude. In our quest to make the right decisions, we can become afraid of making the wrong one. In turn, we make no decisions at all. Trying something new, and even possibly failing, is better than never making a move at all and continuing our bad financial habits.
Tips to Alleviate Financial Stress
Taking steps to make wise financial decisions can provide some immediate relief as well as motivate you for the long-term. The following tips will help you understand why you make the financial decisions you do and give you the knowledge to alleviate the stress and strain on your wallet:
Financial Tips that Make “Cents”
Good money management gets easier the longer you stick with it. Surround yourself with like-minded people, even if that’s simply by reading books or blogs. Making wise financial decisions will continue to alleviate the stress and strain on your bank account, body, and mind.
by Lyle Labardee April 04, 2020
Breaking Bad Habits Now
Habits form when we repeat an action and often they are very helpful to us. A signification portion of our daily routine is done without much thought, so habits free up our brains to focus on other tasks. We form bad habits because they have short-term benefits, and we ignore the long-term consequences for this momentary payoff. The more enjoyable the instant gratification, the harder the bad habit is to break.
Why is it so difficult to break bad habits? When behaviors are enjoyable, even if they’re unhealthy, they can release a chemical in the brain called dopamine. The habit becomes even stronger, and we continue doing it regardless of how we feel afterward (i.e. overeating, obsessively checking social media, etc.).
Strategies to Break Bad Habits
It is possible to break bad habits, but how long it will take varies for everyone. For example, if you’ve been eating unhealthy lunches for years, then it won’t be easy to switch to salads every day. Smaller changes can make the transition out of a bad habit more bearable. It’s a myth that it only takes a set amount of days to break a habit. Everyone is different, and we all progress at our own rate.
Luckily, humans are good at learning how to exercise self-control. Along the path to better habits, we must start by making a choice. Here are several strategies to break bad habits:
Rewards are also a great way to stay motivated during the journey from bad to good habits. Choose healthy rewards that won’t prove to be a gateway back to old behaviors, and congratulate yourself for even taking small steps. You can also reward yourself by being vocal in your celebration. You can literally rewire your brain by cheering, smiling, and clapping when you do something positive.
As with any difficulty, don’t be afraid to reach out and ask for help. To learn more about yourself and your habits, consider finding a therapist or support group. You can also talk to your doctor about how to make healthy decisions. They might be able to steer you toward the best strategy to break your bad habits and change them for the good.
Sources:
http://www.nlm.nih.gov/medlineplus/magazine/issues/spring12/articles/spring12pg18-19.html
http://health.usnews.com/health-news/blogs/eat-run/2013/09/30/breaking-bad-habits
by Lyle Labardee April 04, 2020
Coping with Change
Change is all around us. From our first breath until our last, our lives will always be changing. Our relationships, families, physical and mental health, jobs, communities, and finances continue to change, directly and indirectly affecting us.
Trying to avoid change proves fruitless; it will always catch up to us. Knowing a transition is coming can help us begin to mentally and emotionally prepare for a new situation. However, unexpected change is just as common. Sudden negative events can easily become crises, and some may even prove traumatic.
Effects of Poor Coping Skills
Though change is not optional, your attitude is. Attempting to avoid change or pretend it doesn’t exist will only harm you and possibly others in the process. Poor coping skills to deal with the changes happening in and around you will negatively impact your body, thoughts, and emotions. If you can’t cope well with change, you’re at a higher risk for symptoms of anxiety and depression. Your overall physical health is likely to suffer. Relationships with those you care about may grow strained and tense. When you can’t effectively handle life’s changes it will only take a very small amount of stress to make you feel completely overwhelmed. Defining your life goals and dreams will also become difficult and clouded.
Positive Ways to Cope with Change
If you feel as if you’re not processing change as well as you could, be encouraged. Your ability to cope with change, sometimes called resilience, is not a fixed value. Bouncing back is a learned skill. While some individuals naturally possess a greater resilience, you can increase your ability to positively cope with the changes that occur.
Specific ways of acting and thinking will help you live a life that actually welcomes change. You can also learn to adapt more easily to new experiences and environments. The following tips are some strategies to help you cope well with the changes affecting your life, whether they are expected or unexpected:
Humans were never intended nor built to weather all of life’s storms on their own. Leaning on friends or family or seeking help from a medical or mental health professional can help you regain your energy, focus, and passion for your goals. Support groups can also assist you in embracing the change, letting go, and moving onward and upward with your life.
Sources: http://www.apa.org/helpcenter/road-resilience.aspx
by Lyle Labardee April 04, 2020
Daily Money Management Tips
Do you control your money, or is it controlling you? Managing money can be difficult for many reasons. While there is no shortage of advice available to you, it can feel overwhelming when you are deciding when and how to start making smarter financial decisions. You might also feel confused about how to turn long-term strategies into daily habits.
What is Money Management?
Money management is sometimes used interchangeably with the term, budgeting. Quite simply, it is a way to visualize how your money is being spent and how it will be used in the future. Any amount of money after all outstanding bills have been paid is a surplus, and quite literally, money in your pocket. When you extend yourself beyond your means, you enter into a liability, or debt. Money management controls the inflow and outflow in your budget.
Daily Money Management Tips
How do we start controlling our money? By starting today. In order to reach your long-range financial goals, there are small but significant money principles you can apply now. Here are a few strategies to help you with daily money management and make you feel more in control of your financial future:
Applying these simple money-managing tools really does add up to significant change. While money may not buy happiness, using it wisely does alleviate unnecessary strain and stress.
Sources:
http://www.bankrate.com/brm/news/financial-literacy/12-steps-home.asp
by Lyle Labardee April 04, 2020
Communication Skills
Communication happens all around us, and it’s more than mere words. Communication comprises the messages and signals we send to others as well as the ones we receive. Our verbal words are only a small percentage of the message that’s communicated. Our nonverbal signals, such as tone, eye contact, and body language, make up the rest.
Every day is an opportunity to grow in our verbal and nonverbal skills. When we interact with our families, friends, coworkers, and even strangers, we encounter values and opinions different from our own. How we react and respond to these differences can sharpen our communication skills.
Communication Tips
Just like exercising improves our overall physical health, good communication is a muscle that needs stretching. The more you practice, the better you will become. Even in conflict, there’s an opportunity to grow as a communicator. The following guidelines will help you improve your verbal, nonverbal, and listening skills:
Verbal Communication
Nonverbal Communication
Listening Skills
Help for Difficult Conversations
No one is exempt from conflict, and all relationships will experience disagreement. Improving your communication skills will help you navigate through a potentially challenging conversation.
Conflict and disagreement are inevitable in life, but communication is possible no matter what the circumstance. Every day provides new situations to practice our communication skills, so take opportunities when you see them to grow as an individual.
http://www.forbes.com/sites/mikemyatt/2012/04/04/10-communication-secrets-of-great-leaders/
http://www.mayoclinic.org/healthy-living/stress-management/in-depth/assertive/art-20044644?pg=2
by Lyle Labardee April 04, 2020
Eldercare
The transition from independent living to assisted care can be challenging for the elderly and their caregivers, but knowing when to make that change doesn’t need to be a mystery. It’s important to talk with your aging loved one, family members, their doctor, and other professionals before making a change in their living situation or their daily routine.
There are a few signs that indicate a transition in housing or additional assistance might be needed. These can include:
Options for Eldercare
There are several housing and health care options for your aging loved one to smooth the transition process:
Eldercare Legal Issues
It’s important to discuss end-of-life decisions before your aging loved one becomes mentally incapacitated. An attorney can help you and the older adult talk through the legal options and responsibilities. The following list provides some basic legal definitions that are important for you to understand:
Planning for Caregivers
Caregiving responsibilities range in levels of involvement. Above all, it’s important to keep communication open between your aging loved ones, family members, doctors, and yourself. The following tips will help you plan for a successful transition to caregiving for an older adult:
Caring for another has its challenges. However, eldercare is a gift, both to yourself and the one in your charge. Staying informed about the legal, medical, and emotional aspects of eldercare can help maintain a positive transition for all.
Sources:
by Lyle Labardee April 04, 2020
Assertiveness Skills
Standing up for yourself and your beliefs is necessary for healthy relationships at home, work, and play. An assertive person is able to respect the convictions of another while clearly expressing his or her own needs and wants.
Types of Personalities:
Many people confuse being assertive with being aggressive. While assertive people can respectfully communicate their desires, aggressive people violate the values of others. Here are some common categories of communication styles:
Assertiveness Benefits
Being assertive has many advantages as opposed to operating as a passive, aggressive, or passive-aggressive person. Because you respect yourself and your thoughts others will see this as well. In turn, they will respect and value your thoughts and opinions more. You are also free to exercise the right to say no and not assume too many responsibilities. In addition, an assertive person can enjoy these benefits:
Assertive or not?
Here are some questions you can ask yourself to assess whether you use assertive communication with others or not.
Growing in Assertiveness
Being assertive may not come naturally to everyone. Just because your typical communication style differs doesn’t mean that you can’t become more assertive. Here are some practical ways to become a more effective communicator and stand up for yourself:
An assertive person learns to choose their battles wisely because not every argument is worth it. Holding a grudge is never helpful, so sometimes you have to let the issue go. You may not be able to win every argument, and some people may not be able to hear your thoughts. But when the moment presents itself, an assertive person is able to stand up, speak clearly and calmly, and be heard.
Sources:
http://www.mayoclinic.org/healthy-living/stress-management/in-depth/assertive/art-20044644
http://well.wvu.edu/articles/becoming_assertive__not_aggressive
http://cmhc.utexas.edu/assertiveness.html
by Lyle Labardee April 04, 2020
Bouncing Back: Leaning to be Resilient
Resilience is the ability to adapt well in response to stressful events. In our lives we may experience tragedy, adversity, or real or perceived sources of stress. These events can occur in our family or significant relationships, workplace, health, or financial situations.
Resilience is not something you either have or don’t have. While many people are naturally resilient in some ways, it is also a skill that can be developed and even learned. With practice, you can learn behaviors, thoughts, and actions to help you bounce back after trials.
We are all still human no matter how resilient we are. We have emotional and even physical responses to a bad day, but we can train our mind and bodies to bounce back. When individuals find it too difficult to recover from hardship, there is a greater chance of experiencing anxiety, depression, or Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD).
Qualities of Resilience
What does a resilient person look like? Typically, a person who adapts well to stressful life experiences is also a good communicator and problem-solver. He or she is able to identify and control their emotions rather than be mastered by them. Resilient people have strong self-confidence and self-esteem, believing in their abilities. They are able to set goals, make plans, and follow through with them. They also don’t hesitate to lean on supportive family or other relationships like friends, support or faith-based groups, or mental health professionals, such as a licensed counselor or therapist.
Building Resilience in Stressful Times
Do you consider yourself a person who bounces back from life’s challenges and setbacks? Someone who lacks resilience may focus on life’s problems and feel like a victim. Others may turn to unhealthy behaviors or develop a substance abuse problem. There are genuine ways to improve your reaction to the life’s challenges. Consider the following ideas as resiliency strategies:
The Benefits of Growing in Resilience
There are several advantages to building resilience. One of the greatest benefits is the ability to learn from your experiences and see them as opportunities. When life is viewed from this perspective it is easier to adapt to new situations and remain hopeful in the face of uncertainty.
There are questions you can ask yourself to find the right strategy for learning to bounce back. Consider the following:
What stressful events have I already experienced?
Who did I reach out to during these times?
What did I learn?
What or who gave me hope?
How was I able to overcome?
Finally, be courageous and ask for help when you need it. There are support groups and programs in your community that can help you you in stress and crisis. There are countless resources online and in print for bouncing back after adversity. A licensed mental health professional is also an excellent resource to learn resiliency. You don’t have to wait for a crisis to practice building resiliency. Start building your bounce-back potential today.
Sources:
http://www.apa.org/helpcenter/road-resilience.aspx
http://www.mayoclinic.org/healthy-living/adult-health/in-depth/resilience/art-20046311?pg=2
http://www.mayoclinic.org/healthy-living/adult-health/in-depth/resilience/art-20046311
by Lyle Labardee April 04, 2020
Bullying in the Workplace
Everyone is entitled to the basic right of human dignity in the workplace. Yet every day, there are instances of workplace bullying. Bullying occurs when individuals or a group intimidate, shame, embarrass, or undercut another employee, causing harm to the employee. This behavior can be a combination of aggressive acts over a period of time; presenting a risk to the employee’s health, work performance, and safety.
When people are given power they can be tempted to misuse it, making others feel helpless. Employers aren’t the only ones who bully. Most workplace bullying is peer-to-peer, rather than supervisor-to-employee. Coworkers, consultants, and labor representatives can also intimidate; and sometimes a group of employees will target another in a behavior known as “mobbing.” Some examples of workplace bullying include:
Bullying Versus Harassment
Though bullying and harassment both take place in the workplace, they are very different. Harassment is the illegal discrimination of a person’s protected class, such as their gender, race, disability status, etc. Workplace bullying is not considered illegal; and it’s important to be clear about what bullying is and is not. An employer or boss can be tough, while still respecting the rights and thoughts of others. Being firm does not equal bullying in the workplace.
Corporate Bullying
There are times when bullying is embedded and accepted in the workplace culture. This is known as institutional, or corporate, bullying. In these instances, employers will have unrealistic expectations and deadlines for employees. They might ignore employee complaints of stress due to workload. Also, rewards or encouragement are given to bullying coworkers. This behavior is unacceptable and should be reported to human resources, because when you fail to address the problem, you might be contributing to it.
Negative Effects of Bullying
Workplace bullying hurts both the individual and the entire organization, and there can be negative physical, emotional, and social effects. Individuals might face increased sick days, changes in sleeping and eating patterns, low self-esteem, depression symptoms, and problems with finances and family life. The company as a whole can also experience negative side effects to bullying, such as a marred reputation, legal costs, low morale, staff changes, a loss of productivity, and replacement and training costs to bring in new staff.
Workplace Bullying Solutions
What can you do to help solve and prevent bullying in your workplace? The following suggestions for the individual and the employer offer helpful tools to promote a safe working environment for all:
For the bullied individual:
For the employer or supervisor:
Workplace bullying is an avoidable situation. Having good standards in place can help eradicate or prevent its occurrence, as well as provide a safe environment for the workers and employers. If you or someone you know is dealing with the negative effects of workplace bullying, consider seeking help. Many businesses have human resources personnel or a recommended counselor to assist. If additional support is needed, contact your medical or mental health professional.
Sources:
http://www.lni.wa.gov/Safety/Research/Files/Bullying.pdf
http://www.aarp.org/work/job-hunting/info-11-2013/handle-bullying-on-the-job.html
by Lyle Labardee April 04, 2020
Caring for an Aging Loved One
With hospital stays becoming shorter and medical costs rising, more families have to make difficult decisions about their loved ones. The aging population is growing; and while the details may be different, caring for an aging loved one is becoming commonplace in homes around the country. Over 65 million Americans are currently caring for a loved one. Of those caregivers, nearly two-thirds work outside the home in addition to tending to their family member.
Caregiver Responsibilities
Caregivers help in many areas, including grocery shopping, cooking, cleaning, paying bills, and administering medication. Also, they often assist with helping a loved one bathe, eat, dress, and use the restroom, but there is much more involved than the physical care of an aging loved one. At times, the emotional needs may be even greater. Loss of their home, health, and/or brain function can be physically, emotionally, and mentally draining to both the patient and caregiver. There might also be communication needs, where you are functioning as the spokesperson for your loved one. It’s essential to be mindful of yourself and your needs as a caregiver; as caregiving places unique demands on an individual and on the family unit.
Involving Your Aging Loved Ones
Respecting your loved one and keeping them involved in the caregiving process is both honoring and dignifying for them. Long-term planning regarding medical, financial, and housing situations is critical; and your aging loved one should be included in all those decisions.
Health and medical guidance from doctors, home health aides, and physical and/or occupational therapists will serve invaluable in the transition. You might have questions about how diseases might progress, how to make your caregiving experience easier, and how to prevent injury to yourself and aging loved one. Researching the growing number of assistive devices can also be very helpful, as this technology can allow your loved one to assume more daily responsibility, and to enjoy greater mobility in life.
Communication with Your Family
Communication in any family is tricky at times. Maneuvering emotionally charged topics, like caregiving, can be especially difficult. Here are some proven strategies to help guide your conversation:
Care for the Caregiver
While the task of caregiving holds rewards like precious time and memories, it also may take a toll on your physical, mental, and emotional health. You will only be able to care for another to the degree you care for yourself. Some caregiver stress symptoms are fatigue, irritability, changes in sleep and weight, and losing interest or pleasure in activities. Without proper attention these indicators place you at risk for depression and anxiety. The following are some helpful strategies for dealing with caregiver stress:
Remember, caring for an aging loved one is a “transitional” time. Essentially, roles are reversing as the adult child becomes the “parent,” and frustration and discomfort are common if dealing with an uncooperative family member. While there will be bumps in the road and sacrifices to be made, the opportunity to spend this limited time with your aging loved one can be a priceless gift.
Sources:
http://www.mayoclinic.org/healthy-living/stress-management/in-depth/caregiver-stress/art-20044784
http://www.altsa.dshs.wa.gov/caregiving/agingparent.htm
by Lyle Labardee April 04, 2020
Children and Divorce
Today, around one in two marriages end in divorce. The majority of these occur with children under the age of 18. Because parents can represent security for a child, children can become scared and confused when they see their parent(s) hurting or distracted. Therefore, many parents worry about how the divorce will impact their children.
Talk with the Kids
Communicating clearly to your children is critical during the transition of a divorce. Otherwise, children often misinterpret the situation and accept blame, thinking the divorce is their fault. When possible, try to have both parents present to talk with the children. Without a clear, civil conversation, kids often accept the responsibility of trying to get the parents back together. The following key points will help guide your discussion:
Child Reactions
Extra support and additional conversations will probably be necessary during this transitional time. Children may experience physical, emotional, mental, and/or behavioral reactions to the divorce such as:
Symptoms and Behaviors to Watch
You may begin to notice some more serious symptoms or behaviors. Do not feel like you are on your own. There are a wide variety of support services available through your child’s school, community organizations, and medical and mental health professionals. Monitor your children to gauge how they are handling the situation, and don’t hesitate to educate yourself about the resources in your community.
If your child is showing signs of aggression at home or school this is an indicator of internal struggle. Children may withdraw from socialization and no longer cooperate with tasks. There could be academic or behavioral problems at school. Specific emotional symptoms might include low self-esteem, moodiness, irrational fears and repetitive behaviors, and a minimal desire to communicate with one or both parents.
The Next Step
Many parents who divorce often start out “parallel parenting.” Here, contact and communication between the former spouses is often quite limited. Though the parents may be heading toward the same parenting goals for their children, their relationship may be fairly difficult. In time, parents often move to “cooperative parenting.” This occurs when ex-spouses are better able to communicate with one another. Scheduling events and making decisions about the kids are made cooperatively.
Strategies for the Family
Without exception, your family will experience change. To minimize the potential negative effects of divorce, consider the following points of wisdom for you, the children, and the dual-households:
For You:
For the Kids:
For the Household:
Divorce is painful, but there is help available. Be willing to seek out family counseling or support groups if you feel that your family could benefit from them. You are not the first to navigate the rough waters of divorce; allow the experience of others to help you in this time of transition.
Sources:
http://www.aamft.org/imis15/content/consumer_updates/children_and_divorce.aspx
by Lyle Labardee April 04, 2020
Mindfulness
When we’re constantly busy and judging our performance in life, work, and relationships, we can easily become stressed. This pressure and consistent negative thinking puts you at a greater risk of anxiety and depression. Excessive planning and problem solving can be taxing. Mindfulness is one way to redirect you away from these thoughts and start living in the moment. A meditative and relaxation practice, mindfulness is focusing on the present moment and your senses. Mindfulness reflects on these experiences in a non-judgmental way. You begin to see the world around you through a new lens, and instead of seeing life critically you start to become curious.
Why Practice Mindfulness?
There are many benefits to incorporating mindfulness into your life. From an emotional and physical standpoint, mindfulness helps fight depression, anxiety, and other mental health symptoms. Researchers have found that practicing mindfulness meditation may improve your memory, your ability to learn, and your self-esteem. Redirecting your thoughts can help you feel better about yourself, take better care of yourself, and raise your mood. Many times our minds dwell on past mistakes, fears, or even hopes for the future. Mindfulness helps us to stay in the present and keeps us calm enough to practice good decision-making. Our work life can also improve when we spend less time on negative thoughts. Mindfulness allows us to be more creative and thoughtful in our work.
How to Practice Mindfulness
Learn the meditative practice of mindfulness by following the steps listed:
When to Practice Mindfulness
The following tips will help you discover the best time to engage in mindfulness:
When you practice mindfulness, great things can happen. Instead of mindlessly eating in front of the television each day to deal with stress, you can experience all this world has to offer. In short, being mindful takes you off autopilot to notice new things with greater enthusiasm.
Sources:
www.mayoclinic.org/healthy-living/consumer-health/in-depth/mindfulness-exercises/art-20046356http://newsinhealth.nih.gov/issue/Jan2012/Feature2
by Lyle Labardee April 04, 2020
Managing Finances
With the average American credit card balance at $11,000, there’s no time like the present to start managing our finances. Controlling personal cash flow can be difficult. For most people, the number one problem with money management is they just want more, the higher the amount, the better to support the “buy, buy, buy” culture. The other reason controlling finances can be complicated is due to the wealth of financial information available. Knowing where to start can seem overwhelming.
What is Money Management?
The term “budgeting” is sometimes used synonymously with money management. Budgeting is simply a means to visualize how much money is coming in, going out, and how it’ll be used in the future. After all your bills are paid, any surplus is “money in your pocket.” Extending yourself beyond your means enters you into a liability, or debt.
Financial Management Tips
If your desire is to control your money, instead of the other way around, there are small but significant money principles you can implement now. Here are a few strategies to help you manage your money:
If you’re not in a good financial place right now, it won’t help feeling guilty over the money mistakes you’ve made in the past. Focus on the present and how you can make these simple, small changes to your everyday life. Wise money management will positively impact you and your family’s life and future.
Sources:
http://www.patreasury.gov/assets/pdf/Tips-PersonalFinance.pdf
by Lyle Labardee April 04, 2020
Managing Conflict
Conflict is inevitable in any relationship. From family dynamics to workplace environments, everyone experiences some degree of relational struggles. Avoiding conflict, or merely pretending it doesn’t exist, will only make the situation worse. In fact, how we handle that conflict largely determines the effect it has on our lives.
We benefit when we pay attention to conflict. Perhaps it’s pointing to a need for better communication or a change in how we’re doing something. Conflict is also an opportunity to learn more about others and ourselves; we can even use it to grow as an individual or organization.
Conflict Management Ideas
The following tips for managing conflict will show you how to turn a potentially negative experience into an opportunity for positive change:
Overall Attitude
Listening
Speaking
Brainstorming Solutions
Conflict can be a difficult situation in any relationship, but avoiding or reacting aggressively is never helpful. However, with the right tools, a calm perspective, and an open mind, finding a solution and maintaining the relationship is possible.
Sources: http://oscr.umich.edu/article/tips-and-tools-constructive-conflict-resolution
by Lyle Labardee April 04, 2020
Improving Family Relations
Every family is its own unique combination of people and personalities. Even though they come in all shapes and sizes, healthy families have some commonalities. A healthy family is comprised of people who love each other and are able to respect each other’s similarities and differences. Healthy families also know how to compromise, and they are fiercely resilient; they bounce back after crisis and periods of prolonged stress.
Negative Coping Strategies
Obviously, not all families have healthy relationships. Some members incorporate negative strategies for coping with stress. Some examples are distancing, overdoing/underdoing, focusing on a child, or jumping into conflict. These negative ways of managing stress harm the family dynamic:
Distancing- This unhealthy strategy occurs when family members avoid conversations together because they are concerned about potential conflict. They stop sharing their thoughts and feelings and fail to spend real time together.
Overdoing/underdoing- With this negative coping method, one or more family members begin to assume the responsibilities of others. When this happens, the remaining members decrease their efforts. Family members can easily become stuck in this imbalance of responsibility.
Focusing on a child- To avoid conflict, some families will simply focus on a child instead. When severe stress or fighting begins, children are usually the most vulnerable in the household. Therefore, parents will focus their attention solely on that child to calm things down. Their intentions might be good, but often the child reacts to this intense pressure and increased attention. These children will typically begin to act out or develop physical or emotional symptoms.
Conflict- A final negative coping mechanism is conflict itself. Some families will start an all-out war when they’re stressed, engaging in yelling and emotional abuse. The smallest disagreement could set someone off, creating a hostile environment.
Tips to Improve Family Relations
There are many positive ways to manage stress and handle conflict. The following strategies for communication skills, relational values, and personal and family responsibilities provide simple solutions for improving family dynamics:
Communication Skills
Relational Values
Personal and Family Responsibilities
The success of a healthy family largely comes down to being together. When you make time for one another, you communicate that you care with more than just your words. Make time to have fun and celebrate each other’s victories. Listen to one another’s stories, thoughts, and feelings. Make memories and laugh together. When working toward the common goal of a healthy family, everyone has a shared interest in success.
Sources:
http://www.advocatesforyouth.org/publications/1229-strengthening-family-relationships
by Lyle Labardee April 04, 2020
Improving Communication Skills
Communication is all around us. Whether we are actively engaged in conversation, listening intently for a newborn’s cry, or rolling our eyes in exasperation, messages are being sent, received, and processed every moment. While communication is somewhat instinctive, effective communication is a learned skill. It is more than simply swapping ideas or general information. Effective communication also grasps the emotion behind the message.
Mastering the skills of communication may improve relationships at home and work, aid in decision-making, and streamline problem solving. Additionally, strong communication is beneficial when difficult or potentially controversial messages are necessary.
Clear verbal and nonverbal messages, along with active listening, shape the skills needed for effective communication. Active listening is the art of empathic listening, where one hears the spoken words while striving to understand what the other person is feeling, sensing, and thinking. In active listening, you perceive the verbal messages and the nonverbal cues. Verbal words make up only a percentage of what is communicated. Therefore, it is imperative to train yourself to understand nonverbal signals and become a master at active listening.
There are many strategies for sharpening your communication skills. Consider these principles to help guide your speaking skills, body language and tone, and active listening skills:
Improving Verbal Communication
Improving Nonverbal Communication
Improving Active Listening
Remember, the goal of active listening is to understand, to the best of your ability, what the speaker is thinking, feeling, and sensing. Try to be empathic and really hear their point of view. Active listening goes much deeper than simply hearing the words; you also honor the person saying them. You do not have to agree with everything they say, but a good way to minimize conflict is to seek to understand and be genuine.
Communication is challenging because each person in a relationship has his or her own perspective on what happened. So perhaps one of the greatest strategies of communication is to own up to our mistakes and take responsibility for them. If you feel stuck in communication, be willing to ask for help. There are some conversations and conflicts that simply cannot be resolved between two people. Having a mediator or professional involved will help navigate appropriate and fair communication. This might truly be the best option to maintain or grow a healthy relationship.
Benefits of Improved Communication
There are many benefits to improving your communication skills. In addition to bettering your relationships, effective communication may help boost your self-esteem. Being able to clearly articulate thoughts, feelings, and needs demonstrates a level of self-worth. You also might notice a genuine enjoyment for your job or other roles in life. Last, being able to recognize your own emotions and those of others will prove an invaluable resource in your life. Improving and fine-tuning effective communication skills can be hard work, but the results are worth the effort.
Sources:
http://www.forbes.com/sites/mikemyatt/2012/04/04/10-communication-secrets-of-great-leaders/
http://www.mayoclinic.org/healthy-living/stress-management/in-depth/assertive/art-20044644?pg=2
by Lyle Labardee April 04, 2020
Relaxation Techniques
Stress is a natural part of life, and how we choose to manage it is critical to our wellbeing. Knowing how and when to practice relaxation can help you manage stress in a healthy way.
The Stress/Relaxation Relationship
Sometimes there are interruptions in life, or adjustments we have to make, that cause stress. Our body is built to handle stress and produces physical, emotional, and mental responses to the event. Stressors can serve a positive function, such as helping you stay alert to give an important presentation at work. However, continual stress without relaxation or relief takes its toll on our physical and mental health.
Our body’s reaction to stress is called the “fight or flight” response. Hormones are released when we encounter stressors, and energy pumps to our heart and muscles to take action. While short-term stress can increase productivity and performance, having a constant or hyper-normal stress response to life can wear down the body. Balancing our alertness to life and its challenges with activities of relaxation can improve our health and our minds.
Relaxation techniques are intentional practices used to produce the body’s natural relaxation response. These skills slow breathing rate, lower blood pressure, reduce headaches and insomnia, and improve overall health. These activities are tools that will improve our quality of life if we set aside time to practice them.
Stress Symptoms and Relaxation Benefits
When the stress response is constantly activated in our bodies, a number of medical issues can occur. Stress is a contributing factor to high blood pressure, irritable bowel conditions, hypertension, and even strokes, so working on reducing stress is a valuable investment to your future health.
Engaging and practicing our relaxation response results in limitless advantages. Some measureable benefits include better concentration, lower heart and breathing rates, and reduction in chronic pain. You also might experience less fatigue, irritability, and muscle tension.
Types of Relaxation Techniques.
To reduce chronic stress in your life, consider incorporating one or more of these relaxation techniques into your daily routine:
These exercises can be done alone or with the help of another person. If you’re not sure where to start, programs and classes in your community may offer activities that practice many of these techniques, such as yoga, meditation, and art therapy. Consider downloading an app or searching for guided exercises online. Different exercises work for different people, so keep trying until you find a technique that works best for you.
Relaxation techniques are most effective when they are combined with other tools for healthy living. Proper rest, a healthy diet, and exercise can all contribute to reducing stress. Consider asking a loved one or counselor for support. Relaxation techniques are not a substitute for medical treatment in the event of an illness. Seek medical attention when necessary and implement these helpful strategies to prevent and reduce the amount of stress in your life.
While relaxation techniques won’t eliminate the stress in your life, they will aid in managing your stress-load. Regardless of where you land on the stress spectrum, from feeling overwhelmed to managing your stress well, these activities will reduce the effects of stress on your mind and body. Relaxation techniques are low-cost, low-risk for injury, and can be performed almost anywhere. There is nothing to lose and everything to gain.
Sources:
http://nccam.nih.gov/health/stress/relaxation.htm
http://umm.edu/programs/sleep/patients/relaxation
by Lyle Labardee April 04, 2020
Workplace Success Skills
Succeeding in the workplace isn’t just about what you do for a living but also about how you do it. There are certain skills, regardless of your area of expertise, which will benefit both you and your employer. The following tips will help you develop your job skills by growing your talents, behaving professionally, and developing relationships:
Growing Your Talents
Regardless of when your formal educational training ends, be it high school, college, trade school, or graduate school, learning never stops. Improving yourself with continual education will work to your advantage, so here are some tips designed to help grow your workplace talent:
Behaving Professionally
Workplace etiquette is present in every organization, whether written or implied. Acting in a professional manner will enhance your value to the overall team. These strategies help you conduct yourself appropriately in the workplace:
Developing Relationships
Working together as a team helps everyone reach their greatest potential and your workplace’s optimum success. The following hints will guide you in your workplace relationships:
One of the best ways to succeed in your workplace is to show drive and initiative. Completing the minimum requirement for your job is acceptable, but it’s not admirable. Show your employer your dedication with a strong work ethic and commitment to their company, and you will be on the path to success.
Sources:
http://www.luc.edu/soc/resources/succeedingintheworkplace/
http://www.utsc.utoronto.ca/aacc/succeeding-workplace
by Lyle Labardee April 04, 2020
Workplace Conflict Resolution
Conflict is inevitable. Wherever there is relationship, there will always be occasional moments of friction. Workplace conflict does not always signal a serious problem. However, failure to handle conflict in a productive way will make the situation worse. The end result is usually lower team morale, higher absentee rates, and lower productivity. Many times when conflict occurs we gravitate to one of two extremes, either avoiding it or battling it out. This rarely results in conflict resolution.
Conflict Causes
What are the causes of conflict? There are as many potential conflicts as there are unique personalities present in your workplace. There really are endless reasons for conflict to arise, but the most common ones are listed here:
Dealing with Conflict
There are healthy and unhealthy ways of handling conflict. Some unhealthy ways include avoiding conflict, blaming others or circumstances, competing with one another, appeasing others, and giving in to others for a temporary solution. A healthier approach toward conflict resolution is to compromise and collaborate toward a positive result.
Positive Resolution Strategies
The obvious goal is a unified approach to optimal performance within the workplace. When resolutions are reached, everyone wins. Getting there can be difficult, so here are some practical steps to help you reach positive results.
The following steps will help lead you toward a positive resolution:
Play Fair
Here are some additional tools to stay fair when trying to resolve a workplace conflict:
Conflicts generally result from a clash of perspectives, so choose to view this as an opportunity to see things differently and experience growth. Avoiding conflicts will not equip you to handle them better in the future. The more you strive toward workplace resolution, the more of a problem solver you can be in other areas of life. The benefits of conflict resolution such as improved relationships, increased productivity, and less stress, far outweigh the costs of conflict.
Sources
http://hr.colorado.edu/fsap/healthtips/Pages/Resolving-Workplace-Conflict.aspx
http://www.forbes.com/sites/mikemyatt/2012/02/22/5-keys-to-dealing-with-workplace-conflict/
by Lyle Labardee April 04, 2020
Volunteering and Mentoring
Donating your time, expertise, and service for the good of another is the essence of volunteerism. While the concept is increasing in popularity and trending among all age groups, volunteerism is rich in history, spanning from the battlefield to the inner city streets. Its focus has remained the same through the generations—to encourage goodness and improvement in humanity’s quality of life.
The Faces Behind Volunteerism
There are as many ways to volunteer your time as there are organizations that welcome it. Volunteering is not only a “feel-good” activity but an integral part of our communities as well. More than 60 million Americans serve as volunteers or mentors, donating more than eight billion hours of service each year.
With all that help, do they really need more? How would one more person really make a difference? Consider for a moment what would happen if volunteers just stopped serving. Homeless shelters would close. Food pantries would be empty. Community parks would be full of trash. The elderly might be forgotten. The visually impaired might not have trained service animals. Afterschool programs would cease to exist, leaving countless children susceptible to life on the streets. Without volunteers, the impact on our towns, schools, parks, museums, and faith-based institutions would be catastrophic.
What Do Volunteers Do?
Volunteers provide a variety of services and support throughout our nation. Some of the activities in which volunteers and mentors participate include answering phones, delivering meals, serving as volunteer firefighters and emergency medical technicians, working on political campaigns, caring and training animals, building homes and infrastructure, beautifying parks, and assisting with arts and cultural exhibits.
Volunteers who provide support and guidance to young people are known as mentors, and while mentoring can be a much bigger commitment than other types of service, it can also be even more rewarding. Check with your local schools, community non-profits, or faith community to find out more about mentoring opportunities and how you can start.
Why Volunteer?
Being able to make a difference in the life of another, and often your own as well, is one of the greatest advantages of volunteerism. It is also a healthy way to cope after the news of a disaster or tragedy of some kind. Believing it is a valuable part of education, many high schools across the country require students to volunteer a certain amount of hours in order to graduate. In addition, there are many other reasons to donate your time:
Time vs. Money
There is no denying it; volunteering or mentoring is a sacrifice. Anyone can write a check, but donated time is a great gift and a commodity we all have. How are you spending yours? You will never get back minute for minute the time you donate to volunteerism. But most volunteers would argue you receive much, much more in return.
If you are interested in making a difference through volunteerism, search out opportunities based on your interests and commitment levels at http://www.volunteerguide.org/.
Sources:
http://www.idealist.org/info/Volunteer/Why
https://students.ucsd.edu/student-life/involvement/community/reasons.html
by Lyle Labardee April 04, 2020
Time Management
Every human being has exactly 24 hours in every day, but how we spend those hours is our choice. Our responsibilities can range from work to family to everything in between, and without time management, it can seem as if we all have too much demand and not enough supply.
What is Time Management?
Time management is how you prioritize your waking hours to increase efficiency and productivity. At some point or another, every individual has to consider how he or she can best manage the minutes in his or her day. Countless books, websites, seminars, classes, and day-planners exist to squeeze the maximum value from each moment. Despite all the knowledge and devices we might own, sometimes it still feels like there are not enough hours in the day to accomplish the demands. This often produces stress, leading to additional strains.
Time management is possible because time is relative. While clock time is exact, depending on what we are doing, time seems to move quickly or very slowly. Time is also relative when age is considered. A busy parent packing for tomorrow’s vacation might feel as if they blinked and the day was over. However, a child could feel ready to explode in anticipation and the waiting is nearly too much to bear. Time, therefore, is relative to our perceptions. Since it’s relative, time is manageable.
Time Management Tips
There is no shortage of material when searching for time management tools. Here are a few practical and proven strategies for timely success:
Time Management Principles
Organization- Despite the volume of time management information available, one component upon which most agree is organization. Though organization might seem like a costly time investment on the front-end, the benefits will far outweigh the overall costs.
It is nearly impossible to maximize your time effectively in a cluttered and disorderly workspace. Even with a well-ordered schedule, time will be lost searching for important documents or items, and tasks cannot be completed in a streamlined fashion.
Prioritizing- As long as there is time, there will always be a “tyranny of the urgent.” Some things may feel immediately pressing when ultimately, they might not be all that important. There is a key difference between being efficient and being effective. You may complete a multitude of tasks or answer many emails, but if they lack in priority, it’s somewhat for naught. Consider the motivation behind efficiency over effectiveness. Are you possibly procrastinating on important tasks simply to shorten a to-do list?
Goal setting- One can never underestimate the power of goal setting. Without a clear idea of what you hope to accomplish you can’t possibly know whether or not you have achieved success. Establishing a plan with clearly defined goals is critical for effective time management. When goal setting, remember these key elements: goals should be specific, attainable, and measurable. As you plan, you should be able to break your end-goal into steps and review your progress.
Positivity- One should never forget the power of a positive attitude. If you approach your goal thinking, “Why bother? I always fail,” you will probably never succeed. Staying positive and celebrating small goals will likely ensure greater victory in the long term. When you make mistakes or are not able to complete your goal, forgive yourself and start fresh.
Ultimately, time management is an art form and the quality of end-results outweighs the quantity. Budgeting time seems more important than ever before with the pace of most people’s lives. In addition to the satisfaction of time used wisely, you will also improve your goal setting, prioritizing, and organizing skills. We all have the same 24 hours in a day, so how will you spend yours?
Sources:
http://www.psychologytoday.com/basics/time-management
http://www.entrepreneur.com/article/219553#
http://www.kent.ac.uk/careers/sk/time.htm
by Lyle Labardee April 04, 2020
Teaching Kids about Finances
Financial skills are necessary for a successful life, but often people don’t start to learn them until they reach adulthood. Personal finance and making smart financial decisions may not be included in your child’s school curriculum, but kids need to be taught about finances to prepare them for independence. Parents should guide their young ones in sound money management as they have the greatest influence on a child’s financial practices.
Finances and Family
Kids learn by doing. Research has indicated that children as young as three can understand the concept of saving and spending, and that children’s money habits are formed by age seven. Therefore, it is never too early to begin teaching your children about money. While it’s best to not share financial worries with your kids, talking with them about daily money decisions can be beneficial. For example, engage in conversation about what to buy at the grocery store, where you shop, and how you pay bills.
You can also show children how to handle money by implementing some form of an allowance. Not every task should require payment, so it’s good to have kids do some chores simply because they are part of the family. At the same time, paying your child for larger projects around the house can be a teaching tool for money management and helps to develop a strong work ethic. Consider developing a “401” account where you match every dollar they set aside in savings. Their excitement will build as they watch their account double whenever they choose to save instead of spend.
Lessons Through the Ages:
Children are ready to handle the beginning concepts of basic money management from preschool onward. Consider these financial tips through the stages of your child’s development:
Teaching your children about money is necessary and can also be fun. One of the best ways to help them learn is to engage them in the financial decision-making activities in your household. Simply lecturing about good money principles is not nearly as successful as hands-on experience. As an added bonus, you might discover something that will improve your own financial planning.
Sources:
by Lyle Labardee April 04, 2020
Talking to Young People about Tough Issues
The intensity of today’s life issues can be challenging for any adult, so discussing them with an adolescent can be even more complicated. Many parents feel inadequate talking through intimidating topics like sex, drug use, peer pressure, bullying, and teen pregnancy. The following tips on communication, parental reactions, and responsibilities can help you navigate conversations with a young person about the tough issues he or she could face:
Communication Strategies
Parental Reactions
Parental Responsibilities
Finally, it’s important to praise a teen when they are honest with you about tough issues. Help them understand that having a humble attitude and telling the truth will minimize a possible punishment. Remaining calm and nonjudgmental shows your child you’re a safe place and an ally, and they will be more likely to approach you with tough topics in the future.
Sources:
http://www.hhs.gov/ash/oah/resources-and-publications/info/parents/get-started/
http://www.hhs.gov/ash/oah/resources-and-publications/info/parents/conversation-tools/
[i] Strasburger, V. C. (2010). Sexuality, contraception, and the media. Pediatrics, 126(3), 576-582
by Lyle Labardee April 04, 2020
Successful Single Parenting
Households where one parent is managing the family without another present are becoming increasingly common. In the United States, the number of single parent families has doubled in the past 25 years. There are many reasons for single parenting. Some examples are the death of a spouse or partner, when two partners chose not to marry and only one raises the children, or when one parent is away for a period of time (military service, extended long-distance business, illness, incarceration, etc.).
Unique Single Parent Family Challenges
There may be challenges and drawbacks specific to single parent families. These can affect relationships, emotions, physical health and finances. Single parents may:
Single Parenting Strategies
Single parents and their children can grow up to be healthy, happy, and successful. The following relational, communication, and personal tips can help single parent homes flourish:
Relational
Communication
Personal
Finally, being a single parent doesn’t exclude you from taking care of yourself. Keep yourself mentally, physically, and emotionally healthy to the best of your ability. You can’t be completely available to your children if you’re not getting proper rest, good nutrition, and regular exercise. When you engage in activities that give you energy and bring you joy, you model the self-compassion that will help you and your children succeed in life.
Sources:
http://www.mayoclinic.org/healthy-living/childrens-health/in-depth/single-parent/art-20046774
by Lyle Labardee April 04, 2020
Self-Help Groups
When tragedy, crisis, or just everyday life cause problems to arise, people tend to lean on family and friends for support. However, sometimes it can be helpful to be with others who are dealing with the same issue, life situation, disease, or addiction. When a group of individuals who share a common problem get together to help each other heal, they form what is called a self-help, or support, group. The term “self-help” implies that the group members provide support to strengthen the individual to cope and problem-solve.
Purpose of Self-Help Groups
Self-help groups rely on self-disclosure. As long as the participants feel comfortable, they will share details and information regarding their situation. In addition, their feelings, worries, and attempts at healing or recovery are expressed. When individuals hear another person’s story, concerns, or successes and failures, they begin to feel accepted and less alone in their own life and situation. This is especially helpful, as many life circumstances, like a disability or illness, can feel isolating.
Types of Self-Help Groups
There is a vast variety of self-help groups available today. These can range from independent gatherings to programs that partner with a larger organization. Locations can also vary, including individual homes, hospitals, places of worship, schools and other non-profits or centers. Some self-help groups have a professional present to offer guidance and knowledge. Others follow a peer-led style. This type of support group is comprised of people who share the same problem or situation. Many people enjoy this style because “veterans” can help those newer to the group share their experiences and what’s working for them. In this approach, both the “veteran” and the newcomer benefit.
Self-Help Group Models
Alcoholics Anonymous is perhaps the most well known self-help model. Its 12-step program was later adopted and refashioned for other groups, such as: Narcotics Anonymous, Debtors Anonymous, and Overeaters Anonymous. Respecting confidentiality outside of meetings is a central tenet of this program. Groups are self-supporting and not reliant on outside means.
Other groups, specifically those addressing medical needs, provide information related to living with the disease or illness. You might also learn about who to contact or where to go for assistance and advocacy. Simply networking with other individuals or families who share the medical situation can be a life-giving source of encouragement.
People with less common life situations or diseases can find help through online support groups. Also, if one desires complete anonymity, seeking cyber-support can be a good option. Websites, chat rooms, and discussion boards offer 24-hour accessibility. These allow people to support one another in their unique circumstances at any time of day or night.
Joining a Self-Help Group
While a support group can be a wonderfully beneficial experience, finding the right one for you is key. The following five strategies will help you connect with a group to meet your individual needs:
Walking through life’s trials and struggles is difficult. Sharing the journey with another makes it a little easier to handle. The right self-help group can play a fundamental role in your healing and provide strength along the way.
Sources: http://www.mayoclinic.org/healthy-living/stress-management/in-depth/support-groups/art-20044655
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